Art Paper Published

Seeking pieces of art, I came across one that captivated my eye. This oil on canvas painting is the Grande Odalisque painted by Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres in 1814, depicting an odalisque, or female slave. I immediately fell in love with the striking but yet sensual romantic look in this woman’s eyes. I forcibly believe that this painting reinforces Berger’s philosophy. This woman is not only depicted as a “sexual” slave but as a prey. The hunter is a man. Her presence on that bed speaks of powerlessness and lust. Her look almost immediately reveals what can be done to her. Sustaining Berger’s theory, this painting is meant to be gazed at from a man’s powerful eyes. The second oil on canvas painting that I studied is a piece by Jacques-Louis David called Madame Récamier (1800). This piece is a beautiful example of a well to do woman who represents honor and dignity. This woman is portrayed as elegant and not submissive or sexual. I believe that this painting also reinforces Berger’s philosophy. Her pose on the bench and the gentle way she gestures her arm on her knee characterizes her attitude. While this woman is not naked, her simple appearance simulates elegance and attraction, thus making her attractive to men. Grande Odalisque contains three very distinctive design principles: balance, proportion and contrast. Balance is the impression of the firmness in the body of the work, it creates equilibrium. Proportion is the relativity of the size of objects within the painting. Contrast is the emphasis of the differences between elements in a design. In Grande Odalisque balance is shown through the way the woman is laying. She seems very stable and comfortable, almost like she belongs there. Her body’s shape is one with the bed. Proportion is expressed through the fact that her body is very long and almost not real anatomically. Her body is the largest thing that is shown in this picture, which puts all the focus on her. The contrast is defined by the dark drapes and bed sheets, in contrast to her light pale skin. She almost seems still. Madame Récamier also incorporates three different design principles: balance, harmony and emphasis. Harmony is when all the pieces in the picture relate and complement each other. Emphasis creates a point of interest in a painting, making it the focal point and catching the eye of the viewer. In Madame Récamier, the balance is shown through the antique style sofa that she is harmoniously reclined on. She seems very comfortable and at peace. The harmony depicted in this painting is due to her white simple dress and lack of more objects in the picture. The only two objects, being of a warm tone, compliment her serenity. The emphasis created in this painting, is obviously only on her. She is one of the three objects in the painting, dressed in white and also the most engaging. Vogue has and always will be one of my favorite magazines. Vogue displays many beautiful women wearing very expensive clothing and modeling new styles. In the June, 2009 edition of Vogue.com UK, is a naked Natalia Vodianova on the cover. She is posing naked and holding her hands in between her thighs as if she’s hiding something that every viewer knows exists. This supports Berger’s theory one hundred percent. Women are constantly depicting themselves as sex objects trying to flatter men. Vogue is a clothing magazine, yet the woman on the cover has no clothes! The theory is also proven by the fact that Natalia knows that she is being viewed because she is trying to hide a certain part of her genital area. The most aware design principle that I see from this is emphasis. The emphasis is her naked body. The viewer’s eyes are pulled mostly to the area below her waist, which she tries so charismatically to hide. It is my inclination to believe that the way men and women are portrayed has not changed in visual culture in art or advertising. Society is always going to depict women as submissive sexual objects because sex sells. No one wants to see a “strong” woman on the cover of a magazine, or in a painting. It’s intimidating to most men viewers. Men and other people want to see objects (women) that they can take control of. Judging by all the magazine ads that I have observed and studied, women don’t mind being appreciated through a man’s eyes.

 

When I really start to love someone, sex isn’t as fun anymore…

I know that I just posted that I had writers block but I came across this in post secrets and I thought it was great !

 I think that the LUST  issue is really still engraved in me. My ultimate dream is to get married, have kids and live happily ever after, but thats not gonna happen if my eyes are constantly wondering. I’m in a relationship now,and i have been for two years and im starting to look at other men and wonder what it would be like to sleep with them. (IM FINALLY THINKING LIKE MY BOYFRIEND, EXCEPT WITH MEN! ) Then i reason to myself and realize that , to act out on those feelings would be bad and fucked up of me.

It’s not as bad as  i make it sound, but i think that after a while of being with someone you get tired of the old and you want something new. Now, let me say that the new isn’t always going to be better. Whats going to be better is finding the “new” person, and attracting them to you. After that’s all said and done, you want the old back .

brain dead

WRITERS  BLOCK

Whaaaa whaaa whaaaa …

So, i think im consciously going to lie today . I’m going to tell my co-workers that i need to leave work so i can get things done on this beautiful Friday afternoon. If i leave early im going to Hohokus at noon then starting the book with my new sponsee, then getting a pedicure, then heading home to relax and eventually get ready for celebration at 5. The whole reason why i want to leave early is because if i leave work at 2pm then i wont be done reading until 3:30 and then i wont be in the shower until 4 and i’ll be rushing. I hate rushing.  My ego tells me that i have to look good for tonight because im going out to dinner and i have a complex that i have to look better than the people im with.  But it’s funny because if my boyfriend wasn’t with me tonight and i was just with the girls, the feeling of insecurity would be lower. It would still be there but it would definitely be lower. Can someone arouse such insecurity in another ? Or is it in me all along ?? I need help dear readers ….

 So, in conclusion : Is this right?  My ego and my selfishness want me to lie, just so i can be “assured” that i look good .

 

HOLLLAA

So, i just have to write about my amazing weekend ….

Friday night i went to go see State of Play, with my boyfriend and another couple. It was rather boring but i survived. If anyone was planning to go see it, it’s kind of long and drawn out. Ben Affleck is hot though .

Saturday morning i went to YOGA at 8:30 am , where i perfected my headstand on my first try. I was so excited !!! I then proceeded to practice it all day, and now i can get it right no my first try ! Then went to a meeting where i unexpectedly volunteered myself as the secretary of the group.  At first i was full of regret but then i realized that it was a good thing and im happy about it ! Saturday night I went over my friend Aimee’s house who had a little fiesta, and hung out with ALL my favorite people.

Sunday i went to church, ate at my favorite restaurant then slept for a good three hours !! Then had another amazing time at a diner just talking and eating unhealthy food =)

I know this doesn’t sound so exciting but i had FUN !! Just take a look at the picture …

Death to my Co-workers

So, this morning i wake up feeling a little off. You know those days when you feel just a little off your reservation, but you have to go on because your day can’t stop because you feel a tiny bit off emotionally ? Well, today was that day. Almost immediately after i woke up something didn’t go my way an my anger rose inside of me. I got in the shower, got ready in under 15 minutes, and headed to work .

When i got to work, my co-worker told me that the computer desk that i had ordered, had arrived yesterday after i left, broken. She then asked me to call the furniture place and ask them to replace it with a new one. So, without looking at the  computer desk, i called the furniture company and they agreed that they would send another desk free of charge and that we could keep the old one. As soon as i gave that news to my co-workers they immediately replied “Oh, good now we can fix the old one and have two ! “

I immediately got so angry. WTF , you made me call the furniture company to get you a new desk and when you heard you were getting a new one, you tell me that you can fix the old one ! Bullshit ! They aggravate me because not only do they not half a brain but they don’thave a crumb of honestly in them.  Maybe I’m still holding a resentment over their head for the time they told me to call this same furniture company to ask for a part that they claimed they had lost, when in reality they hadn’t and just wanted extra . I don’t understand these people.

Either way , i have to move on with my day and not dwell . I only have to be here until 2 they have to stay until five . So, that sucks for them.

I probably wont post anything again until Monday, so i hope you all have a great weekend, and thank you for reading !

Prayer for Jealousy

Lord Jesus Christ, I am caught in a web of jealousy that stays with me night and day. Help me to put away from me this evil which your Word tells us rots bones (Prov 14:30) and even shortens lives . Bring home to me the further evils to which it leads if it is left unchecked: slander, calumny, hatred, damaged relations, persecutions, and worse things. Let me dwell constantly on the motives for loving others rather than being jealous of them. Remind me of the fleeting character of all life’s attachments and successes and of the fact that our true happiness lies in being united closely with You and with all others in You.

Amen

 

It’s my worLd and You jusT LivE in IT

So, I’ve been having a very good two weeks , or maybe year … Everything is finally falling into place for me. I had just gone back  to school this year, after taking a “break” for 5 years . I finished my first semester and I’m almost positive that i got all A’s ! In a way I’m proud of myself, but most of all, i love school and that’s more of an excitement for me . I love the challenge and that’s what school is for me. I also like to manipulate myself around the system a little . For example, this semester i had 2 extremely easy teachers . If they offer any other classes then I’ll take their other classes as electives ( i need the credits towards my degree anyway) and be guaranteed an A.  I don’t think that’s bad, especially because I’m only getting an Associates Degree at Bergen Community College, then I’m transferring to Montclair State University .  I don’t know why i keep saying that , LoL because i don’t know if i really want to go there . I can already picture 1 million gorgeous girls walking around campus, then me… That school intimidates me, I’d much rather go to school in the city or something . I don’t know, i can’t make too many plans… As the saying goes “You made plans and God laughed “. I don’t want God to laugh and interfere with my plans, so I’m trying to play it cool and not make too many . (another form of manipulation in my HEAD)

Whatever happens in life i have to be able to accept it and move on, dwelling is not an option. So thanks for reading guys and have a great week =) 

MoneY

 I make 17.20 an hour, blow all my money, and have nothing to show for it . I It seems like i never have enough money. My credit score is probably below 500, and it BLOWS. I’m working on paying the small bills first, and going from there. I don’t know if it’s smarter to go through a credit place that consolidates your bills, or to keep on the same way i’ve been doing it. Any advice ?

This contradicts the past posts that i have written about where Iclaim that material success must follow spiritual success.  In any case, everyone needs money. I have gone on a 30 fast from shopping and it’s killing me . Yesterday i walked into Hollister at Garden State Plaza and i really wanted some cute shorts ! But, i couldn’t get them !! Oh well, hopefully they will be there next month .

This morning i hopped in my car , only to find out that my heat wasn’t working and i was sipping sour milk all the way to work. FML .

hahaa , i don’t have anything profound to say today, so thanks for reading <3

Seppuku

Seppuku, (Sape-puu-kuu) the Japanese formal language term for ritual suicide (Hara-kiri(Har-rah-kee-ree) is the common language term.), was an aspect of feudal Japan (1192-1868). It developed as an part of the code of the discipline of the samurai warrior class.”

This form of ritual suicide was born after the introduction of Buddhism, with its theme of the transitory nature of life and the glory of death, that this suicide ritual thrived.

So let’s explore what this ritual consists of …

The location of an officially ordered seppuku ceremony is very important. Often the ritual was performed at temple in the garden or villas, and inside homes. The size of the area available was also important, as it was prescribed precisely for samurai of high rank.

 

The person committing Seppuku will plunge a blade deep into the left side of their stomach then draw it across to the right with a sharp upward cut at the end.  The person standing behind them usually one of their close friends, is ordered to behead them at any sign of weakness or hesitation.  The kirioroshi is what is  intended to happen . It is not actually to sever the head but to leave it attached by a strip of skin at the throat.  

 

 

Just some fun facts about another culture, i thought it was interesting . Oh, and my the way they don’t use Seppuku anymore !

eViL eGo

We drank to dream greater dreams .

When we were frustrated we drank for oblivion.

Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted …

Story of my life… I’ve always wanted what i couldn’t have and when i got it, i realized that it was not at all what i had hoped it to be. Whatever I wished for, usually material it never did the trick ! It never FILLED that HOLE ! Over the years that hole got bigger and bigger .

I’ve just recently realized that i have to let go of all the character defects and coping mechanisms that bind me to myself . For example, my selfishness blocks me from receiving ANY and ALL of peace and serenity from God. MY jealousy, handcuffs me into a state of unreasonableness, to where i can’t even think straight. My ego, crushes others spirit and at the end of the day crushes mine . How sick to think that all these thoughts, motives and ideas brew inside my head and my spirit . I need a change at once.

What brought this sudden change of spirit ?

Yesterday, i woke up feeling wretched. I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind that i was going to be hurt by my 2 1/2 year boyfriend. My insecurities and jealousy again had the best of me . I finally told myself , this has to stop. As, many of you know I’m an active member in Alcoholics Anonymous and my sobriety date is Jan. 6, 2008. Since I have gone through the process of the 12 steps, i thought i was healed ( hahah ) but apparently i left some stones unturned. So, i had a bit of an epiphany: my jealousy, insecurities and selfishness are going to take me to an early grave (emotionally) . This is not what / or how God intended us to live . If i truly accept that my place on earth is only to be of service, that it’s not about me , and my life couldn’t be in better hands then I’ve already won half of the battle. The constant thought of, “is my boyfriend going to cheat on me ??” , has to leave my head . I look at it this way, if he does than God didn’t want me to be with him, and if he doesn’t then i get to be with him . Either way, i win. It’s that kind of thinking that is going to keep me sane and help me to let go of fear and accept anything that is put in my path .

Humility is a bitch … but unfortunately i don’t have the luxury to live any other way .

Sex

What’s sexual attraction ?  

Noun: sexual attraction

1. Attractiveness on the basis of sexual desire

What’s sexual desire ?

Noun: sexual desire  ’sek-shoo-ul di’zIr

1.  A desire for sexual intimacy
- eros, concupiscence, physical attraction

Lately i haven’t been getting laid . Maybe it’s not lady like for me to say that but it’s the truth.  My boyfriend i think has lost his sex drive and would rather highlight his hair . I was very opposed to him highlighting his hair by the way, i thought it might spark a mid-life crisis at 25 . If that was the case i’d have to laugh and walk away…

Ok I’m getting very off topic here, so any way i haven’t had sex in a while . Honestly it doesn’tbother me . Or maybe it does because im blogging so publicly about it.  Does anyone relate ? I think that i would me more sexually attracted to a NEW man then i am my boyfriend. But, here’s the tricky part, do i want a new man, just for a couple seconds of instant gratification ? Funny, how i said seconds. hahaha . Absolutely not , do i want to leave my boyfriend for a random act of sex. I would not only loose my dignity but my ego wouldn’t be able to regain it’s strength until i came clean . I can already foresee it happening . That’s why im going to prevent it.

Solution:  Spice up the sex life with my current boyfriend

1. dress up
2. incorporate a vibrator
3. scream someone else’s name … hahah that was a joke .
4. 2 girls and my boyfriend. um, wouldn’t work for me im too jealous.

So there’s an easy solution. But , i think the imperative thing is that my boyfriend has to be willing to HAVE sex before we can try these “new” things out .  I think my INSECURITIES, here we go again, take over and i think to myself, why doesn’t he want to have sex with me ? Am i not preety enough ? Or he he not SEXUALLY attracted to me anymore? If that were the case i might have to lock him up in a room and throw away the key for fear that he might shack up with some german prostitute.

Either way , every kinky story should have a cute ending , i still love him<3

Hey Jealousy

Hey Jealousy …

Too bad that I’m jealous 50% of the time or else i would be enjoying my relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve been screwed over way too many times to be secure in my relationships. I think that I’m secure enough with myself to know that i wouldn’t cheat on him, but I’m scared that he would cheat on me .  He met a friend in his boaters class, and got his number and they are planning to go out to a bar. I freaked out and got so jealous, thinking that if he went out with a single guy he would cheat on me .  But also, in my opinion i think it sucks that two guys are limited to a bar as a means of entertainment. As I’m writing this I’m getting mad. I don’t know what my problem is, I’m just a very jealous person. I don’t know thought, if I’m jealous because he has cheated in the past and i don’t trust him, or I’m just crazy. Anyway, when i look at things from the big picture i realize that i have so much more going for me, than a boyfriend. I need to stop making him my higher power, because he WILL fail me and GOD on the other hand wont. But this is all hard a  very new to me . I fight myself in my head all day everyday, about whether I’m going to call out of work or not, whether I should lie to leave early, wether i should delete all the contacts in Josh’s phone so that new kid’s phone number gets erased … i don’t act on any of these thoughts but i sure do spend alot of time thinking them…

thanks for listening guys … now that u probably think I’m NUTS.

 

Other than these spurs of jealousy, im pretty much ok with myself. Yes i feel insecure at times, but that’s normal to a certain degree. If it was up to me i would start fresh and have no boyfriend and no one to be upset over. I would only worry about myself and not go to sleep at night missing anyone because i wouldnt remember having anyone.

I don’t known that’s my sick mind, i’d rather erase things than to deal with them …

WRITERS BLOCK _UNDER CONSTRUCTION

WRITERS BLOCK _UNDER CONSTRUCTION

GianLuca

So, yesterday i had the amazing opportunity to go visit my friend Sophia who just gave birth to a beautiful baby!  When i walked in i had butterflies in my stomach ! I couldn’t believe how little and cute that baby was . I got to hold him, play with his hair and squeeze him as tight as i wanted . I didn’t want to leave him, he was too cute !  Im a very fearful person, and the idea of giving birth scared me, so i kept asking alot of questions, to ease my mind. I asked about how the birth went, and if it hurt , and how long it took.. I think i was a little overwhelming . . but curious !

This beautiful experience made me realize that i DO want kids in the future. I always said that i wanted to adopt a baby, but im sure its a totally different feeling when you give birth to your own. I think that i’d be a great mom and show my child love every minute of my life. 

What i need to appreciate in this situation is that these are the miracles of life . . . BIRTH is a miracle . I got to experience this wonderful thing  and be there for my friend all in one !

 God creates miracles everyday and unless we move over , we don’ t see them.

P.S. Look at his little mohawk !!

Sardegna

This is a picture of the summer hot spot that i haven’t seen in like three years because of my addiction. My family has gone there every year since i can remember , and i miss it  a lot. This area is called “Costa Smeralda” and the town is called Santa Teresa di Gallura in Sardegna. Behind the big castle is shown in the picture, is where my house is located . Unfortunately you cant see it, but it is located at the tip of Sardegna facing Corsica. It’s a beautiful view.  The beach that you see in this picture is the “town beach ” which usually gets so crowded by 11am and stays that way until at least 5 or 6pm . There are a handful of more beautiful beaches on this island.  The sun gets so hot by 2pm in the summer that you just want to hide either under your umbrella at the beach or in the water. At night there’s a cool breeze which sweeps the island, that gently reminds you of a cool spring morning. The nightlife is also great here, there are many night clubs, bars and lounges that will keep you entertained until the weee hours of the night …

I hope that this is where i’ll be heading this year. But unfortunately i have a boyfriend who has no culture and thinks places like Cancun are better than Italy. Fortunately, i have my own mind and i can decide for myself what i want to do…

new positive energy flow…

I have been relasing very negative  energy in the past few days. I think this all comes from one dark rooted evil, calledmy EGO. (and one of the seven deadly sins) but I’m not going to mention which one. 

Life is a process, relationships are a process and friendships are a process.  What i mean by that is, you live and you learn. Why do i keep forgetting that it’s not my will but THYNE BE DONE. If i want something to happen , then obviously its not supposed to happen ! Or, better yet it will happen in God’s time . That i have to accept and try to work on daily. To live in a world where you are blocked from all the positive energy that is flowing all around us is insanity.

This so called rat race, or life has to be peaceful, full of joy and freeing, at least in my opinion. I should be surrounding myself with positive people who i love and making the most out of my day, everyday. Not sobbing in the corner wishing i had done this or that or that my neighbors grass is always greener.

I think it’s the way you look at things, your glass is either always half empty or half full …

Tsunami

From a very early age i was really scared of water. . . when the Tsunami hit in Sri Lanka , i was aghasted at how destructive and powerful it can be .. Talk about a power greated than yourself … haha, and it’s also higher than me.  This picture blows my mind, and i thought that i should share it with you .  It is not of Sri Lanka , but it still shows the powerful weapon of mass destruction that water can be …

 

Confusion

MASSIVE STRESS and confusion has hit my life lately. A fog has clouded my thoughts and i can’t think straight. I think i know what it is, i took my will back, as always. I have been struggling with following my sponsors ONE suggestion now for some time , and i think it’s making me crazy all over. How can one little thing affect me so much ? I can’t even comprehend that thought, but maybe it’s true… I hate that sometimes i have to follow rules, listen to other people tell me how to run my FUCKING life, but then again if i TRULY admitted i was POWERLESS then i wouldn’t have a problem with this !!

Maybe im just fucking bitching at nothing .. im finding chaos in the perfect little life that i have created for myself…

I went to the gym yesterday and then went to a meeting, it was the BEST night ever, i got to work out and take care of my body physically , then go to a meeting and take care of my MENTALLLLLLLL condition .. hehhe

I made an amends to my dad for all the money i stole and stress that i have caused him, and in return he wants me to work for him. As i have mentioned before slavery is an issue .. i have school, meetings, work  and i need personal time to go to the gym and relax my mind ! He’s trying to take advantage of me, i know it  !

As far as me not being willing with my recovery , i prayed this morning to be willing and i think that i have to stop saying that i pride myself on having such a big EGO …

DAMN i just pressed spell check and i DIDNT spell anything wrong !!

Ugh rules…

I hate rules, I always have. I can’t seem to follow them, at work especially. When my boss isn’t here i show up and hour early so i can leave an hour early. I don’t think that the other women i work with like that but i don’t care, honestly. I realized that i have been working here for over 90 days, and am now entitled to insurance ..yes. I am very grateful for that, i am going to make every doctors appointment  possible just for the hell of it ! Wow, im weird . I don’t care. I think the chaos caught up with me yesterday, i had major ADD.  During a meeting i literally wanted to get up and SLAP some 12 year old kid who thought he was the shit, and make him go cry to him mom. I hate people like that, smart ass pricks. Anyway, my ADD died down and even though i got home at 11:55pm, i still got about 8 hours of sleep. I woke up at 8am happy with my day and refreshed. I guess God does work in our lives, he gives us a fresh start every day . For that i am grateful.

I talked to my sponsor yesterday fora  while and while she has some great advice and is extremely smart sometimes but i just don’t want to listen. That scares me because i am TRULY scared of my own thinking. But then why do i ask ?

Resentment Prayer by Peter Marshall

A Prayer for Release from Resentment

Lord Jesus, You know me completely. You know that I have steadily refused to forgive this one who has wronged me, yet have had the audacity often to seek Your forgiveness for my own wrongdoing.

The acids of bitterness and a vengeful spirit have threatened to eat away my peace. Yet I have stubbornly rationalized every unlovely motive. I have said, “I am clearly in the right. It is only human to dislike a few people. This one deserves no forgiveness.” How well I know that neither have I ever deserved the forgiveness which You have always freely granted me.

So, Lord Jesus, I ask You now for the grace to forgive this hurt. Even now, I am divided about it, only partially willing to release it. But You can manage even my reluctance, my loitering feet. Take now my divided will and make it one piece, wholly Your will.

And Lord, I give to You this emotion of resentment which clings as if glued to my heart. Take it from me. Cleanse every petty thought. Make me sweet again.

I dare to ask that You will not forgive me to the extent that I have forgiven _____, but that You will bless _____ to the degree that You have blessed me. For these great mercies I thank You, in Your name, who gave me the supreme example in forgiving even those who crucified You. Amen.

Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired

You know when things just dont feel right as soon as you wake up in the morning, well thats how today went. I went about my day as i normally would and i was just a little off. I got alot of studying done today though, i finished my exam for psychology which im very pleased about. But tonight something took over me , i decided to become very selfish and angry. I was really mean to my boyfriend bringing up a past even that doesnt really bother me anymore but i guess is still lingering inside of me. I dont know its wierd, i say it doesnt bother me anymore, because when i talk about it the feelings arent there but then why do i bring it up ? He got really angry at me and it started a fight. I have been suggested not to bring this topic up again, and that if i wasnt fully over it, to leave him. Huh ? I guess that’s good advice but when i just want to take a stab at him i bring it up. After we fought he threatened me telling me he was going to go to a strip club and i told him to fuck himself and go that i didnt give a fuck, which i probably would. I would go find him at the Harem, make a huge scene , leave and cry in my car. I guess though in a way i want to experience all those feelings because i want chaos . Thats what ive been wanting for a couple days now, CHAOS. Chaos with the people in my life and chaos in my relationship. Josh wants to move out and im not sure i want to go, but i also dont want him not here because then i might not know what hes doing. (by the way if my spelling is not correct in this its because i DONT give a fuck right now). I think hes a really nice guy but he can be such a fucking dick. He spends all his fucking money on stupid shit like motorcycles and jet skiis that hes probably only going to use once.
Anyway , now let’s focus on me, whats my part. I started the fight. Like i said ive been wanting chaos and here it is it feels like shit. The worst part i think is that i feel emotionally trapped, that no matter what im going to be upset if this relationship ends . Back to my part, i have made a conscious choice to let the fact that he was unfaithful go and now im bringing it back up again , oh and let me say i have been NO angel . I caused someone else to be REALLY upset because i needed to fill some void i have inside with some sick thinking …
This is too much thinking for me tonight i need to write my tenth step and pray … back to the basics, and i need to remember that i can have some very sick days …

Pilates

Yesterday I tried pilates for the first time.. wow. Within the first three minutes of lifting those three pound weights I was already thinking in my head how i was going to cancel my gym membership !! Strength training is not my best subject, but i really got to learn and enjoy it as the lesson was taking it’s course. My instructor had the BEST ass. (yes, she was a woman, and yes i look at other girls asses ) I wish my ass looked like hers but i can’t complain, im very happy with my body. But anyway, were getting off the subject, i could talk about me all i want … forever. So, at the end of the 45 minute lesson , the hot instructor came up to me and told me that i had a great body and to keep coming back ! ( LoL… keep coming back ? maybe i will …)
What made me want to start pilates was that on Sunday i went to church and had an amazing spiritual experience that lasted every bit of two days, and that i still feel lingering inside me at this moment. From that, i decided that i want to take care of my physical body like i take care of my mental health. Im not going to go overboard because my life is very busy as it is but i need to find balance. Something that for me is hard to find .

Love these quotes …

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?” Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

Sucking the marrow out of life doesn’t mean choking on the bone.

O Captain My Captain ! Walt Whitman

O Captain my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up–for you the flag is flung for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribboned wreaths for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

This famous poem is recited at the end of the movie ….
Dead Poets Society is my one of my favorite movies of all time ! Robin Williams is one of my favorite actors and i think he played a phenomenal role in this. From the start to the end, it kept me absorbed, but what i loved most is that i could relate to the feelings of each individual character in this movie at one point or another. That is an amazing thing, and could only be the result of an amazingly produced film. The movies’ sad ending leaves me inspired with the thought that i can become whatever i want, if i remain open minded and most of all creative <3

Work Ethic

I’ve realized that in the past, few days, weeks and months my work ethic has gone to shit. That upsets me a little bit. I have a fairly good job that pays well, but i don’t do anything . My boss is always away traveling Europe, and im stuck in the executive offices jerking off ( not literally, but fucking around on facebook and twitter). When I first started working here they told me that i was going to learn how to do payroll and other such responsibilities but that never happened. The other two ladies that I work with are ok, i guess , sometimes. One of them is a “controller” that’s her title, ironic because she’s a CONTROL freak. My boss has a liking to me and she doesn’t like that. He assigns me stupid little things to do, like create invoices for the products that we ship out daily, and she has a problem with it. She says any invoice i create has to go to her first then it can be sent out !?! It’s going to kill my ego more that anything by admitting to this but, i literally have to copy the date of the shipment, the product and the amount in liters on to a different sheet (invoice) and print it out ! How hard can that be? Whatever, it’s ridiculous. Anyway, i have at least 6 months worth of old checks that need to be shredded and of course, it sucks!!! Yesterday i had to go to court to be of support to someone and i didn’t go back to work after, lying about how it lasted all day; i was out at 10:30 AM !! This is where i don’t like lying, but i did it ! I’ve always said ” I wish i could find a job where i dont do anything and i can just sit there ! ” Well, now i’ve found it and i hate it. I need EXCITEMENT, i need CHALLENGES, my brain needs to actually be functioning for me to be somewhat content with my day and accomplishments. Either way i think i should be grateful to have a job in this time of economic despair ….
So the moral of the story is, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it and hate it.

SCORPIO

Scorpio is the eighth astrological sign in the Zodiac, originating from the constellation of Scorpius. Scorpio is considered a water sign, and is one of four fixed signs. Like the rest of the water signs, Scorpio is considered a negative, feminine sign, which in Astrology means it is rather introvert. Scorpio also has associations with three animal symbols: the scorpion, the snake, and the phoenix (or Eagle). Each sign represents different levels of power related to personal strength, individual power, and even intimidation based on cultural associations with these different animals. All three symbols indicate the fierce determination of the Scorpio symbol to triumph over odds and to be ruthless in pursuing goals, traits that are evident in the personality characteristics attributed to Scorpio individuals. Scorpio is still widely thought to be most compatible with the water signs Pisces and Cancer.
In medical astrology Scorpio governs the reproductive system and sexual organs. In Tarot, Scorpio is associated with the Death card, specifically as a form of regeneration .

Scorpio is a sign of extreme emotions, but is also highly private and secretive. It reflects a personality with strong obsessive elements, often having difficulty controlling its emotions. This also brings a whimsical element into it. A good astrological chart can help assuage these issues somewhat.

Scorpio persons tend to be somewhat retreating, pensive individuals, however they are usually quite self-confident, with plenty of personal power. Fear levels are low, which allows them to deal with great adversity and danger in the challenges of their lives. It tends to have a certain conservative element to it, especially with strong Saturn influences. Scorpio tends to be dominant in many situations.

Scorpios tend to be rather sure of themselves, sometimes a bit too much so. This may be problematic as, being a water sign, Scorpio’s perception is influenced by emotions and thus may not be the best source for objectivity. They will nevertheless be pushed to question themselves deeply when an issue blows up in their face. Scorpio is the most intensive, obsessive and turbulent sign in the zodiac. Scorpio tends to have a certain spiritual side to it, however it may sometimes be repressed. It often likes mysteries, but in a more presumptuous astrological chart may nevertheless be skeptical about many things. Scorpio individuals often like to nurture a mysterious side to their personality.

Social Lubricant..

I just wanted to use those words because i read them in a book yesterday… LoL I have such a chaotic week ahead of me, i don’t even know where to begin. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so selfish lately. The same person has been in my dreams for three days now , it’s getting rather annoying and making me feel crazy/obsessive. In reference to my social lubricant, i think it’s attention seeking now that alcohol and drugs aren’t in the picture anymore. Whatever, i don’t care , i love the attention. I’ve been told that i have one fo the biggest ego’s that my sponsor has ever seen. I take pride in that . As far as my selfishness goes i wish it could just disappear. I feel bad when i beep at the old guy who’s going 50 miles an hour on the fast lane of route 4 (that happened this morning) . Sorry this is all twisted in together but my ideas today are very A D D. Im trying to do an essay about a very important speech in American History and i choose George W. Bush’s Address to the Nation in regards to 9/11 . Great speech .
Anyway im over the chipmunk fiasco , i guess i have to be, because that fucker is NOT coming back to life. I’m sitting at my desk at work trying to listen to the interview that’s going on in the next room and hoping that the interviewee ( is that a word?? LOL ) doesn’t get hired, i don’t want to share my office. Ok i should go now… I’ve spit out enough bullshit to last me a whole year <3

Formal Amends to the Chipmunk

Dear chipmunk,
I am sorry to have had ended your life. It was purely accidental . I did not notice that you were in my clothes when i popped you into the washer and spinned you in a COLORS cycle. What were you doing in there ? Your so little that i didn’t even notice you in there, i think you were just trying to get some rest. At least the cycle was with cold water so i didn’t burn you , i only drowned you . I’ll probably have to apologize to my mom who found you while foldong my clothes and nearly had a stroke. I never mean to hurt you and i had no clue you were resting in my laundry …
RIP Mr. Chipmunk

Do you want fries with that ?

Yesterday I went to church very excited because i had bought a new bible to read along with during the sermon. My father nearly lost it when i told him that sometimes while Father Ray is preaching I highlight things in the bible. Oh well, doctors don’t understand. Well, right before they were giving communion my boyfriend looks over at me and tells me that we need to leave . I look at him in surprise and ask why . The only response that i got was that he wasn’t “fucking” staying and that we needed to leave. To avoid yet another fight i got up and left. While we were in the car i asked him why he wanted to leave. He then proceeded to tell me that he doesn’t feel comfortable taking the body of Christ if he is not right with God, and that i shouldn’t either because i don’t like my live the way that HE thinks is ok to God. I can’t even believe that these words are coming out of his mouth at this point. How can he judge my relationship with my higher power that i choose to call god ? Trying to understand rather than to be understood, i shut up and let him talk. After that lovely conversation , he told me that instead of our plans we had made for today, he was going to go snowboarding and that if i wanted to hang out with him i would go . I hate snowboarding. I stayed home withholding a huge resentment because once again he broke our plans. The conclusion in this is that im powerless over everyone , and i cant change a god damn thing in other people.

Silly Quote ….

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

i’m a dreamer …

I’ve realized that i need some sort of excitement in my life, some thrill something that makes me feel good inside. In my life right now, i dont have it . But is that what we all search for ? Once we get it does it stay, or are we forever trying to find it once it’s lost ? I dont want to spend all my life searching for emotions that make me feel good. I want to feel good on my own . Is that possible? Overall im happy in my life but it can always be better. My neighbors grass is always greener and it’s because HE waters it . How ironic! He waters his grass and it gets greener . I dont do shit and my grass stays the same. Move a muscle change a thought . Sometimes i think i need to take more action and not live in the shadows, not necessarily of someone else but in my own shadow. That’s a scary place to be . Change, change is a big issue for me . I like change that i can control , dont throw change in my direction that i can’t because ill flip out . I’ve been like this all my life i dont know what i want, i never do. I can say that im a dreamer and a hopeless romantic all in one. Im like a leaf in the wind when it comes to important decisions. I could go either way . My life is 100% better than it used to be , and this is where i get emotional … but is still want more. I know in my heart that i could have anything i want ! anything … i can follow my dreams and say FUCK THE WORLD , but what am i waiting for ? Is that a fantasy or my twisted reality ….

Mad WorLd ..gary jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.

Every you and every me By: PlaCeBo

Sucker love is heaven sent.
You pucker up, our passion’s spent.
My hearts a tart, your body’s rent.
My body’s broken, yours is bent.

Carve your name into my arm.
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed.
Cuz there’s nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Sucker love, a box I choose.
No other box I choose to use.
Another love I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse.

In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone.
Cuz there’s nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me…he

Sucker love is known to swing.
Prone to cling and waste these things.
Pucker up for heavens sake.
There’s never been so much at stake.

I serve my head up on a plate.
It’s only comfort, calling late.
Cuz there’s nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me…he

Every me and every you,
Every Me…he

Like the naked please the blind.
I know I’m selfish, I’m unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.

All alone in space and time.
There’s nothing here but what here’s mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me…he

Every me and every you,
Every Me…

Heartless by: Kanye West

In the night I hear ‘em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless…
How could you be so heartless… oh
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so,
Cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talking to me though
You need to watch the way you talking to me yo
I mean after all the things that we been through
I mean after all the things we got into
And yo I know of some things that you ain’t told me
And yo I did some things but that’s the old me
And now you wanna get me back
And you gon’ show me
So you walk around like you don’t know me
You got a new friend
Well I got homies
But in the end it’s still so lonely

In the night I hear ‘em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless…
How could you be so heartless… oh
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so Dr. Evil
You’re bringing out a side of me that I don’t know
I decided we weren’t gonna speak so why we up 3 a.m. on the phone
Why does she be so mad at me for, homie I don’t know she’s hot and cold
I won’t stop, won’t mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,
You run and tell your friends that you’re leavin’ me
They say that they don’t see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon’ see,
You’ll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear ‘em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless…
How could you be so heartless… oh
How could you be so heartless?

Talkin’, talkin’, talkin’, talk,
Baby lets just knock it off
They don’t know what we been through
They don’t know ’bout me and you
So I got something new to see
And you just gon’ keep hatin’ me
And we just gon’ be enemies
I know you can’t believe
I could just leave it wrong
and you can’t make it right
Im gon’ take off tonight
In to the night…

Bertrand Russell’s autobiography

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

Perfect Woman by William Wordsworth

She was a phantom of delight
When first she gleam’d upon my sight;
A lovely apparition, sent
To be a moment’s ornament;
Her eyes as stars of twilight fair;
Like twilight’s, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful dawn;
A dancing shape, an image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and waylay.

I saw her upon nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A creature not too bright or good
For human nature’s daily food;
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A being breathing thoughtful breath,
A traveller between life and death;
The reason firm, the temperate will,
Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;
A perfect Woman, nobly plann’d,
To warn, to comfort, and command;
And yet a Spirit still, and bright
With something of angelic light.

Isolation

Isolation is the best form of seclusion. Or is seclusion the best form of isolation ? Either way you remain alone. Letting anyone in at this point is out of the question, sitting in the problem is the only solution I can think of. But what causes my isolation ? For me it’s fear …. Fear of my heart getting broke. Sad to say I don’t trust the person who holds it.
If I isolate I take it all in, I think I can handle it. A part of me wants to go through it alone. It’s a self pity feeling that’s shadowing over me, and soon the isolation is inside me. Anger is out of the question because for some reason I’d rather isolate .

The other girL …

why does the other girl always resemble a perfect version of a ralph lauren model ? those sensual lips and light eyes lock you in to her innocent stare and your finished…. let’s not even talk about the perfect hair that flows down her back as if it was made of silk and colored brown, that i wish i had . or her amazing body that you know she worked so hard for and that your too lazy to change. Her mouth speaks laughter and mystery.. something your boyfriend would be attracted to . she is everything your NOT . her many accomplishments make you feel like yours never mattered and your ego is ghasping for air as she walks by.. Suddenly you look at your boyfriend and wondering if he thought the same thing you did, because if he did, your out of the picture, just temporarily until he can regain his breath ….

Foreplay in your head..

So when you get tired of the old, you start to think… BAD IDEA. You hold on to an everlasting idea that true love is just around the corner and that you’ve found it! Oh and of course, he loves you back. You haven’t even really spoke and you know in your head that you two are destined to be together . You day dream about the honeymoon stage and everything is perfect; your parents love him better than the last guy and your little brother considers him his idol . White lace curtains and everything . . . Why does my mind take me into “fantasy mode” when I dont want to see or experience reality ? Let’s explore more ..there’s a good looking guy somewhere you imagine kissing him, him holding you and you holding his hand. You already can imagine what his kiss tastes like and how good he would be in bed. Why can’t my mind be so creative when i walk into my office at work ? I can call this the fantasy real which i belong to 24/7 365 days a year . by the way i love it . It bounces me out of reality for at least a couple minutes out of the day . . .

william shakespeare’s hamlet

“To be, or not to be: that is the question”.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry”.

“This above all: to thine own self be true”

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in ‘t.”

“That it should come to this!”.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”

“What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals! ”

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”.

“In my mind’s eye”.

“A little more than kin, and less than kind”.

“The play ’s the thing wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king”.

“And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”.

“This is the very ecstasy of love”.

“Brevity is the soul of wit”.

“Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love”.

“Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind”.

“Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?”

“I will speak daggers to her, but use none”.

“When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions”. –

What true love means to me ….

someone who has all of you, good and bad. you need to love the other person unconditionally and accept all their faults. this can be hard at times, but you will work through it. In the morning your so happy to be waking up next to them that you dont want to get out of bed. your toothbrushes are two different colors and you laugh at how his is never in that little toothbrush holder with the holes. your call or text each other at lunch and truly care about how your day is going, and what you two are doing later . during work your content with the thought that someone is out there who really loves you . when you get home you take your personal time and relax still feeling loved. when a bad situation arises, you know that he has your back 100% and wont doubt you for a minute. thats called loyalty . you share the same dreams and want to accomplish them together . you live in a cottage looking house, with lots of trees around, the air breathes of fresh flowers and love .

When is enough, enough?

All my relationships in the past have been so fucked up, it’s not even funny. I can count the boyfriends i’ve had on one hand and they have all cheated on me. Is that why, trust is a really big issue in my life? Im afraid of commitment, not on my end but on the other persons end. I always think that i can be trusted but others can’t. Or better yet, i ONLY trust myself. I don’t blame myself for being cheated on, i blame the other guys for not having the balls to be honest and admit their wrongs. I dont hold any resentments in from the past but i would never give them a second chance.
My most current relationship is a slight shift from the past ones, but still similar. I was proposed to, and like a dumb blonde, said yes, then decided it was better not to . I love the guy but i dont think im ready for marriage . I think when it feels right I will know. I’m not saying it wont feel right with him, because at times it does , but only every so often .
For the past four years i had been wrapped up in a morphed world of drugs and alcohol . Now that im starting to see the light, im craving freedom in every which way. But when is enough , enough ? When are you so tired of the old that you let it go and move on, having no regrets and not looking back . . .

slavery is an issue…

I work as a personal assistant/secretary to the CEO of the company, who is rarely ever here.
Sometimes i feel like the little bitch of the crew, but with what he pays me i suck it up .
I can’t complain and im greatful to have a job in this time of economic crisis but i wish i could find something more rewarding …
Somewhere that when i get up in the morning i know that im needed there and if im not there its trouble.
I don’t get that feeling here.

E bay can produce anxiety..

Ok i’ve been bidding for 3 days now and 370$ is what we are up to. I keep telling myself that im not going to go over 200$ and here i am putting in the highest bid!
I can’t even believe it …
This can get addicting, but as much as it is addicting, it’s time consuming and thats what i need while im at work.

St. Francis Prayer

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Amen.

AA is everywhere..

I realize how much this disease has really affected thousands of people when i think of how many AA groups there are around the world. I am so greatful today that i can walk into an AA meeting anywhere and feel at home.

Just wanted to post AA groups that i have visited in the US and while traveling…

Club Oasis Inc
1118 Spring Street,
Fort Wayne, IN 46808

Sun Group
2060 West Acoma Street
Lake Havasu City, Arizona

Choice

Yesterday at a meeting the topic was choice. I believe that today, in recovery, i have been given an endless amount of choices and possibilities. Its sad to say that while i was a slave to drugs and alcohol, i had no choice. My choices were controlled by cravings and obsessions, that i couldnt comprehend. AA taught me how to know when my disease was talking and how i needed avoid listening to it. We always have a choice, thats the beauty of this program. How greatful am i today to have a sponsor, a sober network, meetings, a god of my understanding and the freedom of choice.

William Shakespeare Quotes from Hamlet

“To be, or not to be: that is the question”.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry”.

“This above all: to thine own self be true”

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in ‘t.”

“That it should come to this!”.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”

“What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals! ”

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”.

“In my mind’s eye”.

“A little more than kin, and less than kind”.

“The play ’s the thing wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king”.

“And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”.

“This is the very ecstasy of love”.

“Brevity is the soul of wit”.

“Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love”.

“Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind”.

“Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?”

“I will speak daggers to her, but use none”.

“When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions”. –

William Shakespeare quotes from A Midsummer Night’s Dream

“The course of true love never did run smooth”.

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind” .

“I ’ll put a girdle round about the earth In forty minutes” .

“My heart Is true as steel”.

“I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,
Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,
With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine. “